http://www.survivalmom.com en drgbshields@yahoo.com Copyright 2009 2009-06-05T02:29:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/pacifier/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/pacifier/#When:02:29:00Z I cannot get my 2 and half year old off the pacifier...I have tried getting rid of them entirely, only to wake my husband up at 3 am to dig the last one out of the car glove box due to my screaming child.  He won’t go to bed without it!! Help! Day-to-Day 2009-06-05T02:29:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/techniques/detail/burnt-out-moms-anonymous-answers-hope/ http://www.survivalmom.com/techniques/detail/burnt-out-moms-anonymous-answers-hope/#When:20:30:00Z B.O.M.A: Burnt Out Moms Anonymous, Answers & Hope By: Colleen Shields It’s funny how when we have little ones, whether we like it or not, 150% of our energy goes into raising them to be the best people they can be. Uber Moms of today are so into creating their little Ivy League, Pro-Soccer playing, CEO’s, that they can hardly keep up with the practices, games, study-halls, tudors, and arranged playgroups with fellow little CEO’s. More and more mothers I know are becoming exhausted, and in a constant state of frenetic rushing to and fro. Drivers beware: minivans may appear like sheep on a highway of wolves, but they’ll fly past you on the left faster than you can adjust your rearview. The net result of this entire obsession with super-children, is mothers who can’t remember their favorite color, much less their former passion. And if you feel like you can’t keep up, you are not alone. If you are having dreams about forgetting the soccer pads for practice, burning the cookies for the bake-sale, and God forbid, forgetting to sign the field-trip permission slip, you too, are on your way to the morning you decide the bathroom floor is more appealing than the inside of a car all day, and you lock yourself in, and hunker down, possibly forever. Not to fret. There are answers. So listen carefully: #1. Say no. Say no to the volunteer request every once in a while. Let someone else help make the Easter eggs. You think your kids will be upset, when the reality is, they’ll hardly notice. #2 Give Yourself a Break! Uber Moms may look good, and their children may appear to be superhuman next to your child with peanut butter and jelly on his cheeks, but let’s face it, she probably didn’t feed them lunch so their new outfit wouldn’t get soiled. So give yourself a little credit, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Your house does not need to look like a museum, who cares if there are crumbs all over the car, and if the laundry doesn’t get done everyone will survive. #3 Limit the activities A mom told me once she lets her children pick one activity a season. This makes sense. When picking activities, consider YOU! Set up a carpool with a friend for sports and rotate the kids for practices, find a piano teacher in the neighborhood so it’s easy to get them in and out, look for after-school activities right at the school- giving you one less car run, and put multiple children in the same class if possible. #4 Follow the Flight Attendants Rules: Remember the part where the perky flight attendant gives emergency instructions before take-off and says “In case of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on, and then your child’s”? Take care of you first, and then you can take care of them. When you are fed, rested, and hydrated it’s a lot easier to tend to your child’s demands. I’m typically deluged with requests for ketchup, drinks, a different spoon, a different cup, coupled with multiple phones ringing and texts going off, and needless to say dinner time is a challenge. I always make sure I eat something, and get my own drink before the onslaught begins. Brush your teeth first in the morning, get your coffee first, get yourself dressed first, do these things before you do them for your child- you’ll feel happier, clean and not distracted with your own sense of what you need to do for yourself. #5 Do One Thing For Yourself Every Day Eating, sleeping, and brushing your teeth don’t count. I’m talking about a trip to the gym, paint your toe nails, do a mask, call an old friend, write in your journal, work on your scrap book, buy yourself a goody, plan your future, learn an instrument, return to an old hobby, read your book, pray, do a salt-scrub, watch your favorite show etc. Even putting lotion on your legs is a luxury to some, but the point is, do it- do something that makes you feel like you are taking care of you, even if it’s only 1 minute. #6 Write Down Your Wants We are constantly putting our own thoughts, ideas, wants, wishes, desires, goals and life aside for the moment in order to care for our children. It’s a matter of particularly when you have small children. The point is, your time will open up very soon. Once your children start pre-school, you will have small windows of unexpected time. It’s important to use these small voids of time to work toward your long term goals. Start a “Wish Book” where you write down your goals, your desires, your life expectations. When you have a moment to get back to them either later in life or waiting in the car-line, you may be able to do a little something to move you closer to your goals. #7 Put It In Perspective Remember- back when we were growing up, no one even wore seat belts half the time, car seats were not always used, and you were home before dark. Structured play-dates did not exist and most mothers did not have the pressure to fulfill their education, realize their brilliant career, while simultaneously being super mom. The point is, we turned okay. We survived it, we are A okay. Take a deep breath, the great majority of issues with regard to our children are temporary. Many stages take place and typically not that difficult to solve. So RELAX! When your children are overscheduled, Mom is overscheduled and your life becomes a struggle which you have placed entirely upon yourself voluntarily. So I challenge mothers to stop the madness, look for smart ways to keep your children involved, and don’t forget to take of yourself in the process. Good luck on creating a happy family, and happy home. Extracurricular 2009-06-03T20:30:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/link/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/link/#When:20:50:00Z http://www.parentsupersite.com/ Check out this parenting site, it's very cool Links 2009-05-28T20:50:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/techniques/detail/nursing-101/ http://www.survivalmom.com/techniques/detail/nursing-101/#When:02:17:00Z Stop the Madness, Nursing 101 By Colleen Shields As I was reading American Baby magazine today, I was reminded of just how ridiculously over-the-top many parenting experts have become. For example, in a very entry level article on breast-feeding, which recommended every few sentences to speak to your doctor or lactation consultant for further advice, the recommendation was to nurse your baby “every 2 hours or every time he cries”, and that each side should last “between 20-40 minutes”. Let’s analyze this: if you were to nurse your baby every time he cried, you could be nursing him all day, every day, and not be able to sleep, eat, change diapers, etc. If you were to nurse the baby for 40 minutes on each side, that’s an hour and ten minutes, with a forty minute break before you had to nurse again. Now, factor in the very common scenario of not being able to get baby to latch-on properly initially, and basically, you are back to nursing the baby all day, every day, literally. The idea that there are professionals that actually recommend the mentality that babies trump all mom’s needs, as well as basic common sense, no matter the consequences is madness. I am an advocate for breast-feeding your babies, don’t get me wrong. However, I think many seemingly good-natured women, who advocate for baby are losing sight of the fact that Mom has to actually survive taking care of baby for baby to ultimately thrive. Mom and baby are the ‘unit of care’. Mom’s needs, although minimized especially in the baby’s first few weeks of life, are important, and essential to the baby’s wellbeing. For thousands of years, there was no “lactation consultant”. I think they are great, I have used them, and paid for their services myself, however, I want my readers to recognize that for most women in history, breast-feeding advice came from experienced mothers, aunts, grandmothers, neighbors, and ‘nurse-maids’. Being committed to breast-feeding my children, I learned some things that I, too would like to share with you, in hopes that you can see clearly through advice that simply doesn’t make sense, to something more realistic and do-able. The first chance that you have to actually sit-up, you should try to nurse the baby. For you C-section moms, the recovery room is not optimal- you can’t sit-up. However, when you can, kick everyone out of the room except for your favorite nurse or helper and give it a try. First, place a pillow under baby- he is so small this is helpful. Place several pillows behind your back. Let your nurse show you various holds, for first-time moms- I recommend foot-ball hold because you have more control over baby’s head. Squeeze the nipple to release some colostrum, this will get baby more interested in the prospect of sucking. Get babies jaw to drop by stroking his cheeks. The tongue should be down. When his month opens as wide as he can, pull him into the breast. A couple of things may happen: he may pull his tongue back, close his mouth before it gets to breast, or fall asleep. Keep trying and trying. If he falls asleep, unwrap him, tickle his feet, take off his undershirt if you have to. If he gets on the breast with a wide-open mouth, and tongue down, look to see that his lips are flanged all the way around. Let him suck and after a few minutes look for signs of swallowing- his upper jaw will be moving, his throat will be moving, and if he’s been hungry, he’ll relax. If you have problems initially GET IMMEDIATE HELP. I can’t stress this enough. You can develop an incredibly painful blister or sore after one poor latch. The first week or so, you will feel like you are nursing all the time, but every 2-3 hours is about right. However, baby is getting colostrum at first which is what I call “super-milk”, so he only needs about 6 minutes on each side. After your milk comes in, in my experience and my consultants say nurse 12 minutes each side- tops. After 4 weeks, optimum time between the beginning of each nursing is 3 hours. However, you can let the baby go up to 4 hours between nursing if he is sleeping or not fussy. At night, my pediatrician recommends letting baby go up to 6 hours without waking him to nurse. If he wakes he should not be going less than every 3 hours at night until he is 6 weeks old. After six weeks, you can wean him off his night time feedings, down to one per night until he is 2 months. After two months, you can cut out night-time feedings all together. Many people will likely not agree with me on. My recommendations come from my pediatrician, my lactation consultants, as well as my Mother (of 6), my Aunt Joannie (mother of 9), and my aunt Patsy (mother of 8). Additionally, after three children, my own experience nursing has been different each time. My first baby only nursed for 8 weeks and was never able to get off the shield. My second nursed for 17 months, but it started out with one bad latch, and gruesome incredibly painful blisters. My third was relatively easy, but she quit after 4 months. So, my reasoning in sharing these ups and downs in nursing with my own experience is that I want every mother reading this to realize: a. It’s not easy, and b. sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Stick to your instincts. Stop letting people give you crazy advice that will surely send you to an early grave, and when in doubt, ask your mom, your aunt, your cousin. With persistence and support, you will be able to nurse as long as you want. Another time, I will discuss how to handle public nursing. When you learn my tips, you’ll see, it’s a breeze. Breastfeeding 2009-05-28T02:17:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/positive-reinforcement/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/positive-reinforcement/#When:03:49:00Z Children love positive reinforcement and encouragement. Make a chart of all your expectations, okay the big ones, and track the children at each mealtime, go through the morning routine, if they did what they were supposed to do, let them pick a sticker for the chart, if they get at least 5 stickers for the day, by the end of the week, they get to go to the park, the movies, out for ice cream, etc. It's a family event and it really works!! Discipline 2009-05-27T03:49:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/relax/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/relax/#When:03:45:00Z Helicopter Parents are so annoying to us parents who are relaxed an unannoying. Relax people! Day-to-Day 2009-05-27T03:45:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/clothes/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/clothes/#When:19:14:00Z One way to keep the clothes organized is dress them all the same. I do that and it seems to take the guess work out of the morning. The girls are a little harder to find the same in the clothes, so I'll try to do them in the same color...Makes it easier to watch them in a crowded place too. Day-to-Day 2008-02-10T19:14:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/hooks/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/hooks/#When:19:08:00Z I am addicted to hooks, which I have on many low areas all around my house so my children can hang up their own things...It seems to work with their school bags, sports equipment etc... Home Organization 2008-02-10T19:08:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/laundry/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/laundry/#When:19:06:00Z I am looking for anyone who has good laundry organization tips that can help me.  I’m swimming in laundry, all day every day, and I am trying to figure out how to make it easier! Day-to-Day 2008-02-10T19:06:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/stroller/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/stroller/#When:18:50:00Z I can't tell you enough how much I love my double stroller, it really saved my life and gave me alife back again. It is very lightweight, something that I never appreciated until I bought my first double stroller which was a Graco, and a massive mistake. My Combi stroller I purchased at Right Start, and although it was around $300, it is worth every penny. I can take it out of the car with one hand, it turns on a dime and it has taken a lot of abusive from my five children. I highly recommned it! Gear 2008-02-10T18:50:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/biting/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/biting/#When:18:47:00Z A friend of mine puts tobasco sauce on her childs tongue if they bite, and also if they are having a huge fit in the back of the car and she is driving. The driving situation is him freaking out kicking screaming and hitting his brother. Apparently she did this a few times, and the biting stopped, all she has to do is hold up the bottle on the car, and he stops the car fit too.... Unconventional yet effective! Discipline 2008-02-10T18:47:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/husband/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/husband/#When:18:44:00Z I really need help!  My husband is so moody, and stand-offish and I think he maybe having an affair.  Besides hiring a private investigator, how can I find out for sure? Marriages 2008-02-10T18:44:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/problem-child/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/problem-child/#When:18:09:00Z Im a nanny for three children and the oldest is giving me problems. He is 5 and he has terrible ADHD along with anxiety issues like Ive never seen in a child. I can deal with that although it makes for a rough day… the biggest problem is that he pits his mother against me after I leave by lying to her about how I treat him and how I spend my day. Ive tried confronting him and he says he wont do it anymore (not true). Ive tried being extra sweet to him when I think he deserves discipline to see if maybe he reacts better to positives than negative (doesnt work). Ive tried being stern with him and strict to see if he just needs more structure (no help). The kicker is that his mother is way harsher with him than I am and he doesnt seem to react better to it… In fact he has worse tantrums with her than anyone, but he doesnt resent her like he does me. I realize that part of the problem is that he craves her attention, but I am the nanny and he is not going to get a lot more of her sttention. I need to figure out how to make the best of this. Childcare/Help 2008-01-03T18:09:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/highly-sensitive-6-year-old-boy/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/highly-sensitive-6-year-old-boy/#When:18:34:00Z My 6 year old son is highly sensitive and cries almost everyday when he goes to school.  Because he is a highly sensitive little boy, he needs a close to friend to be there and unfortunately he hasn’t met the right friend. He has played with lots of his classmates outside school time, but he still has not found a good friend or classmate to play with at school. I’ve had long talks with him about this and it doesn’t work. Playdate is in the works.  What else can I say or do to help him? Day-to-Day 2007-10-09T18:34:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/potty-mouth/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/potty-mouth/#When:14:19:01Z all my fault- but, my 4 n 5 year old boys love to use the word: jacka**. any suggestions? tried the soap, hot sauce, ignoring it route- at a loss. thanks. Discipline 2007-10-02T14:19:01-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/planning/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/planning/#When:03:06:00Z The best thing you can do when you have more than 1 child, and you have to get somewhere, anywhere is start at least 1.5 hours before hand. This sounds easy enough, but when they get home from school at 4 and soccer practice is at 5:30, get them dressed right away, start dinner, get the bags ready earlier, much earlier than the average sane person, and you might, I stress Might, make it on time. Day-to-Day 2007-09-27T03:06:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/how-do-i-get-rid-of-the-bottle/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/how-do-i-get-rid-of-the-bottle/#When:02:27:00Z I know there’s no “right or wrong” age to wean from the bottle—however, my pediatrician says it’s time for my 21 month old to give it up.  Since nursery school started, he’s become obsessed with the bottle.  He wants it 24/7—it’s becoming his new “blanket”.  How do I get rid of the bottle? Development 2007-09-26T02:27:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/how-do-i-get-my-3-year-old-to-stop-sucking-her-thumb/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/how-do-i-get-my-3-year-old-to-stop-sucking-her-thumb/#When:21:05:00Z How do I get my 3 year old to stop sucking her thumb? Breastfeeding 2007-09-25T21:05:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/discipline/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/discipline/#When:16:30:00Z Children need discipline. It tells them where their boundaries are, and they will push it as far as they can. They will be happier once they understand their contraints. Discipline can be very soft and gentle, or hard. Try the soft touch first. Discipline 2007-09-25T16:30:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/babies-and-warmth/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/babies-and-warmth/#When:16:29:00Z Babies need warmth, they need their feet and hands covered, even when it is warm out. This something that I see that is lacking in this country, notice how the Russians do it. They get cold very very easily. Day-to-Day 2007-09-25T16:29:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/toddlers/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/toddlers/#When:16:27:00Z Toddlers have a nasty way of crying and having meltdowns while you are trying to cook dinner. Don't resent this, take this as a time when you give them extra attention. Hold them, kiss them, love them, make them feel good, then they will feel filled up with love, not just food is what they need. Day-to-Day 2007-09-25T16:27:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/nursing/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/nursing/#When:16:25:00Z Nurse your baby if at all possible. It is a time of bonding, peacefulness and love between you both. Don't think of it as an inconvenience, as "I've got to get this done". Enjoy it, it will pay off in spades later. Breastfeeding 2007-09-25T16:25:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/sleep-problems/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/sleep-problems/#When:23:43:00Z My 3 year-old keeps coming into our bed, everynight, about twice per night.  We feel like we have tried everything.  Someone help us! Sleeping 2007-09-23T23:43:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/techniques/detail/crying-baby/ http://www.survivalmom.com/techniques/detail/crying-baby/#When:18:54:00Z How do I get my newborn to stop crying! Newborns 2007-09-12T18:54:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/going-crazy/ http://www.survivalmom.com/ask/detail/going-crazy/#When:19:25:00Z I’m just lonely and I’m ready to go crazy!!!  How do you make new friends and time for yourself and not lose your mind!! Making Friends 2007-08-24T19:25:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/new-moms/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/new-moms/#When:18:53:00Z Tip New Mothers -- If you have an infant, SLEEP whenever you can. Accept offers of help. Let your best friend do your laundry if she offers. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and to admit that it's not as easy as you thought it would be. Surround yourself with support, trust me, you'll need it even more as the kids grow up. Find time to talk to grownups -- even if it's "talking" online. A message board on AOL saved my sanity when I had two babies in diapers (one with SEVER colic) and a husband working two jobs. Never underestimate the power of friendship. Newborns 2007-08-20T18:53:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/listen-to-your-mom/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tips/detail/listen-to-your-mom/#When:18:50:00Z Trust your Mom, her tactics may feel old school, but it's advice that will save you. When you are in the middle of a 'wire-hanger' moment, or close, remember her little comments like "Why don't you just relax and enjoy the children". The small stuff really, REALLY does not matter. The Best You 2007-08-20T18:50:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/babypowder-and-sand/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/babypowder-and-sand/#When:23:00:00Z The best way to get your baby de-sanded (and yourself and everyone else in your clan), is swathing them with baby powder. It takes the sand off instantaneously. It's like magic. Day-to-Day 2007-08-19T23:00:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/babyseat/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/babyseat/#When:22:18:00Z The vibrating babyseat is the best invention ever! You can travel anywhere with it, take it room-to-room, and they love it! Newborns 2007-08-19T22:18:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/porta-pot/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/porta-pot/#When:22:17:00Z I have four children, 7, 5, 3 and 1. The older ones have soccer practice, and it is incredible, but true, how the fields have no bathrooms. I have to leave one on the field, and hope he doesn't freak out in the middle of practice that I'm gone, pack up three of them and go on a wild goose chase for a toilet. It's crazy. Now I just packup the little training potty in the car, sit them behind the car, and voila. It's better than the alternative! Extracurricular 2007-08-19T22:17:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/soccer-bag/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/soccer-bag/#When:22:16:00Z There is nothing worse than searching the house for the missing shin guard, soccer shoes, water bottle, shirt, socks etc. I make the take everything off, and all of it goes right back in the bag the minute they walk in the door (except dirties). It really makes life much easier come game day. Extracurricular, Home Organization 2007-08-19T22:16:00-08:00 http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/snap-n-go/ http://www.survivalmom.com/tools/detail/snap-n-go/#When:22:14:00Z If you are on the go alot with your baby, live in an apartment building or the city, then you MUST have the Snap-N-Go. I cringe everytime I see these moms lugging that huge carseat around, struggling with the babybag, the purse etc. The snap-n-go is great b/c it's like a metal frame, it weighs probably less than 5 lbs., you can expand it with one hand, and set the carseat right on top of it. It's really a lifesaver, you can get in and out of cabs faster and easier and you save your poor back! Day-to-Day 2007-08-19T22:14:00-08:00